Saturday, March 6, 2010

Today. Just today.

I just read my friend Morgan's post on her wonderful Lucky Break Queue blog, and it was a wonderful way to start the day. She captures so lovingly the joy in life, and make me think about my goal for today.

Today, I hope to enjoy my life just as it is.

The "sin" that has troubled me much of my life is envy - wishing I had something I felt I lacked. Even now. I have such an amazing son. I adore him. He is the brightest light in the entire universe. And. Sometimes I wish I was still single and childless, and could in fact go to India (or Europe, again, or just Spain, or Greece, or...)

It doesn't really matter what I have or who I am - all my life, I've wished for something slightly different. For me, the journey seems to be about loving life right now, just as it is, and that includes loving the part of me that wishes for something else.

For a few brief, early years (like the ones 4 and 5) I wanted to be a veterinarian (not sure why, I wasn't in love with animals - I think it was just a cool thing to wanna be) and then Miss America. Then, at 8, I knew I wanted to be an actress. Actor. Whatever. That desire stayed constant, until maybe 5 years ago. My whole life.

And funnily enough, it allowed me to always dance with some other part of me. Most recently, Emily Dickinson - childless, single recluse. Lovely.

I was just thinking about acting this morning, and doing Belle of Amherst. It was so easy. Not to jinx it ('cause I think we're doing it again) - but I really didn't work very hard at all. Just memorizing the lines, really. Then I just got on stage and said them. So much easier than it used to be. So much less worry and ego and push.

Interesting, that.


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1 comment:

  1. Ah....LOVELY.....What you say at the end there, about Belle of Amherst...about the ease....(not to jinx either of us~knock wood)...I sooooo get that. And I'm so thankful that walls are giving way and toppling over that allow me to experience more fully the play of doing theater!