Saturday, May 23, 2009

The Good Polar - or, What Goes Down...

There is a bright side of being bipolar.

What goes down, must come up.

So sayeth my husband, and he should know.

Some thoughts he has had since the demise of his truck -

1. Get a scooter;

2. Be a one car family;

3. Buy a horse - Cut the dead truck down into a carriage - Voila.

Still not sure what our future holds, but at least we are laughing. And the sun is shining on a Seattle full of reds and pinks and purples and blues and yellows and fuchsias and oranges and greens of every shade - a late blooming spring that is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes.

And the birch trees in Benefit Park have leaves that talk as the breezes blow through.

Benefit Park. Our neighborhood park. Good name, isn't it?

One thing weighs on my mind - I want to go to OHIO in August. With my husband and son. Please, universe, help that happen.




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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Troubles...

My husband's truck just died. Kaput. Gone to blown-head-gasket-goodbye-engine-tow-me-home-and-shoot-me heaven. He just bought it in February, used of course, with snappy paper work that said it had a new (or rebuilt) engine put in in August 2008. Now it's dead - and his mechanic told him that the engine was just plain old. And the garage who did the work won't honor the warranty.

So, we have no truck for him and sure don't have money to buy another one.

And nothing is easy with my husband. Losing a truck - tough, but something some of us can handle. Him, not so much. Stress takes a bigger, harder toll. The whole world turns against him.

And it comes on top of ongoing stress and fear about his hip needing to be replaced, the dilemmas of what will he do for work & can he change careers, and the we-are-really-poor-it's-scary-feelings - and all that lays atop his lifelong struggles with other stuff.

And I look ahead to - what?

Being a one-car family? Trying to share the car, work on my projects, take care of Finn...

Or help my husband find another engine, get it put into the truck? Shop for a different truck? Try to convince him that people actually do buy from dealers who finance, and that might not be a terrible idea...

And Finn. What do I do about Finn and kindergarten? He got his school assignment today - not really the one we wanted. An okay one. But should he even go to kindergarten next year? or wait a year? Friends say wait, but THEIR kids are going to kindergarten (to fantastic schools, the ones they wanted). And I feel like a failure as a parent - I didn't get it together to get him into a pre-K program here, and now he faces heading into big-time school, 9am to 3pm every day, with no prep. Unless I have him wait, find a pre-K program for next year. That we'd have to pay for. And then he'd be the 6 year old in kindergarten.

And we have a big family reunion in Ohio this summer, that I feel we simply have to go to. I have to. I have to take Finn and we have to see my parents, my dad who is about to turn 87 and my mom who is 80. And all my extended family, cousins and aunts and uncles.

And my husband has already been worried about it - even though my folks offered to buy his ticket, they want him to come so badly - and now, with a dead truck, how am I ever going to convince him to go?

What should I do?

Thoughts, and prayers, welcome.

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Monday, May 4, 2009

Anniversary

So, my husband and I went away for our anniversary.

Five years ago, May 1, 2004, we were married at the Rainier Valley Cultural Center in Columbia City in Southeast Seattle. I was nearly 8 months pregnant and I wore a bright red dress and a haku lei, and Kenny had a long maile leaf lei, and our family and friends were all bedecked with leis, too. We got married on stage, the same stage where the youth theatre performances took place, the same stage I'll produce on again this summer. It was filled with flowers, beautifully decorated by our family and friends.

And we went to the coast for our honeymoon, to Port Angeles and La Push.

And now, five years later, we went on our first overnight away without Finn. He stayed with his beloved cousin Melissa, and we headed east.

I had envisioned a cabin in the woods, hot tub under the stars. We didn't have that. Cost intervened, and convenience, the desire to drive 90 minutes or less since we had just the one night. So we had what we had.

Shopping at North Bend, new shoes for me. On to Cle Elum, antique store browsing, a room at the Snowcap Lodge (the fancy name for the new Best Western there). We DID have an awesome room - a soaking tub IN THE ROOM, right in front of the television.

Oh, part of me feels so crass - part of me WANTS to be the woman who goes to the romantic cabin in the woods! But in truth, we soaked in the tub and watched Grey Gardens on HBO.

And went to eat at the Roslyn Cafe, and it was just fine.

What is it about anniversaries, birthdays, events like these, that make me desire, or expect, or think I should desire and expect and HAVE the super-human experience? The romance novel... what is that part of myself?

Our trip took place on Saturday and Sunday, May 2 and 3. On our actual anniversary, May 1, we stayed home. Kenny went and did something, Finn and I played. Kenny came home and we worked in the garden. He planted flowers. I planted vegetables. We ate chicken for dinner. We kinda watched something on tv and then went to bed. It was just a day.

It was just a good day. Easy. No expectations. Just life outside in the warm sun, planting and chatting. And come summer, we'll have flowers to enjoy and food to eat.

Sometimes the best moments are the easy ones.

And someday we'll have our cabin in the woods, no TV, hot tub under the stars. That time will come. For now, all is fine as it is.

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